“So when we are panicking because we feel like we’ve achieved nothing, maybe we should just look back, and see how far we’ve come and in such a short time, and realise that if we put our minds to it, we can achieve anything. You have come far, and you have so so far to go”

Fear is the lie that was never really told. Fear is the lie that we heard from a friend who heard it from another friend who thinks they might have heard it from their brother’s friend’s uncle in a twisted game of Chinese whispers. It’s the lie we believed long enough to become detached from the truth, the truth of the love that we came from, and the truth of our own divinity. We need to stop hating ourselves. Stop judging ourselves for having one bad day, or even several and stop looking at where we want to be and comparing it to where we are; for that is the surest way to prevent ourselves from ever getting there. Instead, we must think of where we have come from. Strange as it sounds; look back in order to move forward and in order to find the insight to see just how much further we are going.

Almost exactly two years ago, I was on a psychiatric ward, so overwhelmed by the monsters I had allowed to manifest from the fears in my own mind, and so separated from my Truth, that I genuinely wanted to die. I was detached from reality so completely I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. At my worst I was unaware of friends or a family even existing, and the world truly seemed like a cruel and loveless place, void of any ‘real-ness’ or beauty. Slightly before this point, I was relying entirely on unhealthy co-dependant relationships, any slight blip or hiccup and I was incapable of picking myself up, incapable of functioning. People would have to drive over to my home at crazy hours of the night to rescue me from the nightmare I had created in my own head. A break up would destroy me. Being with someone would destroy me. I was neither happy alone nor happy in a partnership. The world was big and scary, and I had an incredibly negative relationship with my body, and my existence as a sexual being. I couldn’t go a day without thinking about doing something to harm myself, I couldn’t get public transport alone. At some points, I couldn’t even do my own food shopping, or make a basic telephone call. I was jobless, living on benefits and down as disabled, on anti-psychotic medication, incapable of living alone, I had no get-up and go, not much drive, I was very much a lost soul. I felt like a shadow of myself, a shadow of who I used to be and a shadow of who I thought I should be. Now I am a different person. Living comfortably and healthily, completely medication free! I am jobless again, but this time by choice and for a very different reason. I held down a job I loved for more than 18 months and for that time was financially and more importantly for me emotionally independent. I have learnt how to accept the support of others when I need it in a healthy way, while maintaining my own independence and without giving away my power, and am now able to offer that same support back, not only to friends and family but in a professional capacity. I am mostly incredibly happy and content, and the veil has been lifted; I can see the love the world is manifest of with clarity and confidence. Now, through visualization, meditation and getting clear about what I wanted in my life and what I did not want, I am living with a wonderful supportive partner, surrounded by stunning scenery in a part of the world I have from being a very young girl fantasized about living in, with ample free time to focus on things that are important to me, even if I might not choose to do so all the time! Even if sometimes I spend that free time watching hour long cat videos online. I have a reasonably well functioning physical body, though it might not seem perfect to my limited perception. I have a home of my own, I have healthful food in my kitchen, I have fire blazing and I have potential. And so do you.
From now, the future is an empty canvas of limitless possibilities, we can paint whatever we desire, and we can create a life even more magical than the one we have been living thus far. What I painted on 2015’s canvas was incredible and every day (even the bad ones) I feel blessed to have chosen to pick up the brushes of imagination and paint the best future I could imagine for myself, in my sub-conscious and with the amount of understanding I had at that time about what was best for my highest good and greatest happiness. We all have bad days, today was one for me! We cry and mope and are totally un-productive. We don’t take our own advice, we don’t deal with the blocks and resistance we know we have. We don’t meditate, we don’t eat healthy or drink juices like we promised ourselves. We don’t do our affirmations, or our tapping, or listen to motivational tapes.
We curl up in a blanket, hide from the phone and don’t answer the door when the postman comes in the hopes that he’ll just take those darn stupid bills with him and assume you don’t live here anymore. We drink too much coffee (wine. . .I drank too much wine) and maybe have some ice cream, we watch re-runs of our favourite TV series and don’t do a single damn thing on our to-do list that we wrote out the night before when we were feeling so super-productive. If we are feeling accomplished we might get up to feed the cats/kids/dog/other-fuzzy-needy-things once in a while, but we actually haven’t showered today if we are honest with ourselves and the probability is that the floral smell we have going on is actually the smell of ‘covering up bad smells’. And do you know what? Those things are all ok.
The important stuff can wait another day (the kids really probably should be fed though). Today is about love, loving ourselves, and cherishing ourselves, and learning and cultivating some stella self-care techniques! Not only when we are doing well or when we’ve ‘earned’ it, or when we’re doing terribly, are incapable of functioning and ‘need’ it, but just on the average, crappy days, because beyond everything else you are you, and I am me, and we are worthy of love, in all our states of being. Consistently re-learning the art of loving ourselves, just as we are. My life has totally changed in just two short years. It changed right under my nose, it swept me up and flew me in a whole new direction, and it swept me up when I very least expected it. But do you know. . . I didn’t know that was what was really happening at the time, I thought I was just living my life. I had no idea the adventure had already begun. And it so totally has! Just think back, where were you one year ago, or two? Where are you now? The chances are things have shifted a hell of a lot.
So when we are panicking because we feel like we’ve achieved nothing, maybe we should just look back, and see how far we’ve come and in such a short time, and realise that if we put our minds to it, we can achieve anything. You have come far, and you have so so far to go! The future from now is a blank canvas. Any blockages you perceive, real and physical as they may seem, can all be overcome if you truly put your mind to it. Fear has no place in your life, at least not today. Fear definitely has no place in your vision of what you can and will become. Transformation is just around the corner, if only you will dare to step up and step out, let life take you on a journey, let it whisk you away. Set your intentions for the new year, the chances are life won’t deliver them to you the way you ordered them anyway, so you have nothing to lose by asking! The Universe is listening, and it may just have a better idea of what you want than even you do, but be open to change and be un-afraid. Fear is only a tiny lie, a whisper you heard once but somehow ended up holding onto. Make friends with your fears, and then be done with it. Let this be the year you fearlessly stepped up to become the person you really are! With endless love and compassion. Esther x
So when we are panicking because we feel like we’ve achieved nothing, maybe we should just look back, and see how far we’ve come and in such a short time, and realise that if we put our minds to it, we can achieve anything. You have come far, and you have so so far to go! The future from now is a blank canvas. Any blockages you perceive, real and physical as they may seem, can all be overcome if you truly put your mind to it. Fear has no place in your life, at least not today. Fear definitely has no place in your vision of what you can and will become. Transformation is just around the corner, if only you will dare to step up and step out, let life take you on a journey, let it whisk you away. Set your intentions for the new year, the chances are life won’t deliver them to you the way you ordered them anyway, so you have nothing to lose by asking! The Universe is listening, and it may just have a better idea of what you want than even you do, but be open to change and be un-afraid. Fear is only a tiny lie, a whisper you heard once but somehow ended up holding onto. Make friends with your fears, and then be done with it. Let this be the year you fearlessly stepped up to become the person you really are! With endless love and compassion.Esther x

Esther De La Ford

Esther is the resident blogger for the Love Your Life movement. She is also a Clinical Hypnotherapist, Life Coach, and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) practitioner. She is also a fully qualified Stress Resilience Trainer and Reiki and Seichem Practitioner. She uses these tools and others she has gathered on her journey discovering various therapies and self-help techniques, to create writing that introduces the idea that every woman has all the tools they need to begin their healing work already within themselves. Esther teaches the power of thoughts and words in creating the world we find ourselves living in. Her deepest wish is for every woman to have the strength to step back into their power, to re-learn how to trust in their bodies and the deep-knowing we call intuition and yet so often stifle, and to know the full extent of everything they deserve and everything they can be. Her core philosophy, and what fuels her writing and her work, is that a woman empowered has the ability to empower others; and so a woman standing in her power has the power to change the world. She currently resides in a little cottage nestled in the mountains of the Scottish Trossachs, the perfect place to write when not out enjoying the wilderness at her doorstep!

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